Thursday, May 31, 2012

summer lovin

When I close my eyes I can still feel the cool wet grass on my feet. The smack of the cement on their bare souls as I ran down the pavement towards My best friend Jenny's house. The burn of her black paved driveway as I rounded the corner. I can hear the slam of her screen door shutting behind me after I was let in. My feet were cooled the instant they touched on her parents hard wood floor.
Summer reminds me of lawn mowers and the smell of fresh cut grass. I seriously love the smell of freshly cut grass.

I seriously loved summer.

I am trying to grapple with the fact that summer is very different for my kids. They will remember the dry dusty air and the monsoon rain storms.The smell of citrus trees and the prickly cactus in out neighbors yard. It will be splash pads and swimming every day. Palm trees instead of lush green ones.

But it will still be friends and late nights and mornings to sleep in. It still up to me to make memories even if they differ from what I view as a perfect summer.
it's been a good first week of summer. Excited for a playdate tomorrow.

You guessed it .... at the POOL!!

linking up with Emily 

Friday, May 25, 2012

Summer day 1

I have four kids. Four kids I love, adore and all that jazz. But heres the thing. I grew up as an only child. I had a best friend next store who served as a have when I want send home when I dont kind of sister. I always had the TV to myself, brand new clothes, and all my parents attention.

But i was so lonely.

I vowed i would give my future children siblings. And boy have I! But sometimes four is overwhelming for this only child. The noise, the mess, and the FIGHTING! And summer seems to make it all worse. I feel like I just need to find a mothering flow. Maybe a flow doesn't exist. As I type this they are fighting over netflix. So much drama all the time. I wonder if its worse with girls??

Summer day 1 was good. We went swimming with my sweet friend Jeanette. Myka jumped off the diving board. And I manged to glob enough sunscreen on everyone that no one burned. WOOT!

Tonight Will is making steaks.I am going to crack open a Cors light becaue thats how i roll and enjoy tonight with my people. My crazy, loud, overwhelming wonderful people.

Tomorrow we are shooting a wedding at the lake. The weather is supposed to be in the 80's! Unheard of for this time of year. Its like a special gift from God just for me.

Happy weekend!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

HO hum Tuesday

It's HOT! I guess I do live in the valley of the sun. When the wind blows on days like today yo get what I refer to as "the blowdryer effect". Thats right folks, living in Phoenix is like living in a blow dryer. I will do my best to not whine my way through another summer but no promises.

Summer is here! if the 106 temps didnt convince me then the fact that school is letting out next week would. Now I have the impossible task of keeping kids busy all summer with out the ability to go outside! Any ideas? Please leave condolences in the comments :P

In other news I was a rad mom this morning and stopped for doughnuts on the way to school.
 It made thier morning! I dropped off two happy girls at school. Not getting the car door slammed in my face is always a win. I think I will miss the drive to school in the morning. After I drop the girls off and Myka at preschool I turn on spotify and get lost in my thoughts. I think about how pretty the desert is. And I wonder why i just cant be content here.I just want to wake up one morning a love it here. I mean who wouldn't love 70 degrees in January. Maybe God is STILL trying to get me to bloom where I am planted. I think this will be a long one.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mothers day 2012

I made this! One of my mothers day gifts was three pretty new shelves. I have them filled with black and white frames. I was scouring the internet for some cute word art and nothing was coming up so I made this in photoshop :) yay me! 

Today was a fantastic Mothers day. It really was. I am so thankful for my mom. She taught me to be a good person and see things outside of my own little world.

Wasn't my mom a dish?     

 And most importantly she taught me to love God. I hope these are the values I am passing down to my children. I hope they grow up to be good and happy souls. I am so thankful for a wonderful mother and mother in love. And four little's who call me mom. 

Happy Mothers day!

Photo of the day: He knows my dreams

Friday, May 11, 2012

fear and summer

I like writing. I really do. For so long I have thought that my little corner of the internet had to look a certain way. I had to every linky party ( cuz' i love em) or make sure I had a rockin profile picture. But guess what. I dont. I have 45 awesome follower HELLO!! And Im so good with that. I need a space to just be me.

Tonight I am thinking about my Dad. He died when he was 48 from lymphomia. I was 10. I remember the night he died. But more then that I remember all the crap leading up to it.

I was six when my dad was diagnosed. My parents thought it was best to not tell me. I was angy for a long time that they hid it but as a parent now I so get it. I dont even know how you would begin to explain something like that to a child. I found out from a friend at a t-ball game. She told me she was sorry my dad had cancer. I accused her of being a liar. I remember being certain this little snot nosed girl was a total jerk for making up lies about my dad. I remember my parents stopping in thier tracks when I asked them if my Dad had cancer.

they explained to me that there good cancers and bad cancers and I shouldn't worry because my Dad had the good kind of cancer.

Four years, many rounds of chemo and a broken back later, he was in what they thought was remission. We moved to Arizona and nine months later he relapsed and died.

Its been 20 years and it still hurts.

I have a chance to be part of an event that helps single parents, single mothers in particular who have cancer. I have a chance to use my gifts to help make memories for these sweet amlies. And Im chicken. i am scared it will hurt to much. bring back to many memories and dig up ugly old feelings that I am not sure i ever dealt with.

Out for an afternoon walk

But sometimes that how God heals us. He digs up the ugly that we want to leave buried and makes us deal with it. Who am I to hold onto my fear and tell God I will not use the talent he gave me to bring someone joy? That would be awfully Jonah of me. And I certainly dont want to hang out in the belly of a whale this weekend.

Speaking of this weekend it is supposed to HOT! Summer has officially reared its ugly head in the valley of the sun.. yicky yick yuck. 

Monday, May 7, 2012

I am...

Listening- to God is bigger then the boogie man. Myka is still awake. Why, I do not know. Any tips out there for bed time harmony would be greatly appreciated. The Hockey game is also on in the other room. Will is sooo excited that the Coyotes may go to the playoffs. That boy eat sleeps and lives sports. Any sport.

thinking about- So much. Thinking about my passions vs my living. When you are so passionate about what you do ( photography) for a living it can be hard to feel passionate about it. Does that make any sense? I am also thinking about home schooling my kiddos next year. The older ones any ways. I would still have Myka in pre school. I read OMSH a lot. I am so inspired at how happy her kids seem. I need to get some happy back in my family. I feel like thats the resounding theme lately. Maybe its a funk. I dont know. But I do know I will figure this out. I will not let this sad cloud settle on us.

looking forward too- SUMMER!! Not the heat. Not the heat at all. But pool time, and a possible trip to the beach Heck to the yeah! This summer I am hoping to get some home school summer school style in. I am thinking each day will start with a writing prompt and a devotion. I also need to get some math in there. From there I want arts and crafts LOTS OF THEM ! We are going to do a Smash book for sure. And some art journals.

What are you doing???

Friday, May 4, 2012

It's Friday

Its Friday!! Today was super. The kids played outside, I met with a n awesome couple who booked their October wedding with me, and had a kick ass mentoring session with a dear friend. Ended the night with a sushi date with my man.The night could only be made better if the night time wars were not going on. Why are three years olds so hard to get to bed?

Oh, best part about today I found a super cute, super affordable preschool for Myka. Nine to one, three days a week. I can actually get some work done hopefully without staying up until three a.m.

Photo of the week

Thursday, May 3, 2012


Morning can be intense around here. I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination. I need a full thirty minutes and two cups of coffee before I am fit to be around people. My daughter Ashlynn has inherited my disdain for mornings I am afraid. Our morning routine goes something like this

me "Ash" wake up its time for school
Ash "NO, I hate you! I hate school and I am never going!!!"
me " I know you are grumpy but you need to make good choic...
This is when I duck and cover because she has chucked her lamp at me.

No joke its awful.

But this morning  tweaked the routine just a smidge and let her take a bath. It worked wonders. She went off to school so much happier then usual. I normally am big on the girls showering before bed. But lately they seem to have settled into their own grove of showering and taking baths in the morning. The controller in me wants to insist that they shower at night. Because that's when I like to shower. I also like morning showers. Heck, I like showers anytime. Especially showers that allow me to have a full 15 minutes by myself1

But I am letting it go. Its their choice when they bathe and heck as long as they are doing it I am happy.

Every morning when I drive them to school I see this
Camelback Mountain takes my breath away each time I see it.

People park their cars on the side of the road and climb to the top every day. Not just a few people, lots of people. One day when its not blazing hot, I want to climb it with my girls. I so admire the tan fit girls with thier iods in the holder on thier arm.Thier skin is all dewy from sweating as they walk back down to thier cars. Maybe someday I will join them. But for now I am tired. The mere thought of waking up early to go hiking is over whelming. I hate that.

I want to be the family that does stuff. The family that hikes camelback together. Its hard with little ones. I am trying to give myself grace. To live in little moments like tonight.

Isaiah was fresh out his bath and I wrapped him in a towel and joined my mom outside with a glass of wine. I cuddled a baby in my arms and watched as Ashlynn and Myka played with the neighbors across the street. I love that they have across the street rinds. Double bonus the mom across the street told me about an awesome affordable preschool. WOOT!!! Myka is so bored at home. She NEEDS pre school.

Its late, Myka is still awake.